The 8Bowl
by Colorful Crime
Summary: His last year in Soubu begun with quite a high note - the resolution of his clubmates' requests, following his path to the genuine, witnessing the collapse of a stagnant group of friends, and reconnecting with enstranged parents. However, there's no rest for the wicked as angels turn to predators, and Hikigaya Hachiman becomes the coveted prize for these lovestruck maidens.


**DISCLAIMER:** _I do not own OreGaIru._

* * *

"... And so, I would like to call this meeting to order."

"Umm, Yukinon."

Upon the sudden interruption, Yukinoshita Yukino raised a brow in light curiosity. "What is it, Yuigahama-san?"

The peach-haired girl seemed to fidget a bit before deciding to explain herself for butting in.

"Well... Isn't it kind of unfair to start the meeting when we're the only ones here? Why not wait for the others."

For the briefest of moments, the light smile on the Service Club president's face cramped into a sour expression. But of course, for only the barest of a second—this was a person well-practiced with the art of hiding her emotions, after all.

Case in point: irritation.

"Yuigahama-san." A pause. She took a sip of the warm tea from her Pan-san cup, taking her time to prolong the effect of such a tense action, set it down, and spoke to her clubmate as if to admonish a child. Of course, the smile on her face made it somehow a bit more... terrifying for the other girl.

"I believe that by beginning with only the two of us, we then assure that the others forfeit their self-proclaimed claims on _him_ , and therefore our monopoly becomes an established fact moreso than a spoken thing."

Another pause. Another sip from the cup. The silence was so tense, even Muramasa couldn't be bothered to try cutting it.

"... Is it fine if we play dirty like this, Yukinon? I wanted to play this a little fair, you know."

"Do you really want to play fair, Yuigahama-san? Really? When everyone else, sans us, have been cheating their way without us knowing right from the start?"

"Well, if you put it that way—"

Whatever agreement or disagreement Yuigahama Yui was about to voice was cut off by the opening of the door to the room, and the entrance of a pair—both female, in fact. Both not of Soubu's uniform, they were essentially visitors to the private school with business to conduct. Of course, their status as alumni proved to be a boon in gaining easy entrance into the otherwise strict high school.

"Yahallo, Yukino-chan, Gahama-chan!"

"Good afternoon, both of you! You look well!"

It was perhaps a sight to see—Yukinoshita Haruno and Shiromeguri Meguri making quite the pair as they entered the Service Club's abode, all smiles and bright attitude in the otherwise quiet classroom.

Their expressions, amusingly though, were a contrast to the looks of exasperation (in Yuigahama's case) and severe disappointment (in the younger Yukinoshita's case).

"Y-Yahallo, Haruno-san, Megurin-senpai!"

"... Tch. It seems I was naive to think that Nee-san would've fallen for such a trap."

Hearing Yukino's blunt bitterness given voice so strongly, Haruno's mood shifted quickly from joyful to extremely mischievous in no less than a second. "Oh my, it seems my little sister has learned to be more crafty than expected. Well, a flat tire would delay my arrival for a bit, but you seriously underestimate my resources you know?"

"Hmph. It seems a slight miscalculation has earned us a troublesome participant. I knew I should've went for the fuel tank instead... No matter. Nee-san, Shiromeguri-senpai, have a seat and we will begin the meeting shortly."

Meguri tilted her head to the side, voicing out her confusion. "Eh? But weren't there supposed to be two more teams?"

" _Meguri-chan._ "

" _Shiromeguri-senpai._ _"_

The room's temperature seemed to have turned arctic in their levels, and to the shock of Yuigahama and Shiromeguri, two evil spirits—a Hanya and a Yuki-Onna—have decided to make their presence felt within the plane of existence.

"" _Surely the less interlopers, the better, right?_ ""

One Yukinoshita was fearsome enough. Adding another was just enough to incur the wrath of the gods themselves. Now this—this was a united front between two sisters, and the harmonious resentment they held for all other thieving cats brought forth the fuel for all possible nightmares that would make even the Sandman give a thumbs up in approval.

"I-I guess so, Yukinon. Ehehehe... heh."

"Well, okay. As long as Haruno and I get to compete, it's all good!"

Once everyone was seated and the demons dispelled, tea and business was had. An unspoken consensus had made the younger of the Yukinoshita siblings to spearhead the meeting.

"Today marks the third day of our senior year and into the term. As such, all of us have come here today to settle any other matters regarding _him_. Any questions before we proceed to the heart of the matter?"

Haruno spared no further second and shot.

"Are you sure the doors are locked and the windows are shut tight? Shizuka-chan might resort to a more violent means, you know?"

The question, made to test Yukino's patience on the matter, had only given the effect of her projecting a very smug look.

"Sensei won't need to resort to such things when she's busy taking a nap, Nee-san. Do not worry yourself with such petty matters."

Haruno returned fire with an equally amused expression. "Hoh~? It seems this onee-san has created quite the impressive little sister. Okay, spill! You used _those_ sleeping pills, right?"

"Of course I did. Only the best to tackle the worst."

"How many did you spike her ramen with?"

"Enough not to ruin the taste; and enough to keep a stampeding rhinoceros asleep for 12 hours. Really, for such a delicate-looking woman, she harbors quite the beast within her."

"I know, right? Well, whatever. Nice job, Yukino-chan. Full points. Onee-san approves!"

The rapport between the sisters and the terrible contents of the conversation was not lost to Yuigahama.

"Eeeh?! What did you say you did to Sensei?! Y-Yukinon! I thought you told me you'd let _everyone come to the meeting_!"

The devilish face Soubu's Ice Queen was making did not suit the light-hearted tone she spoke with. "What I said, Yuigahama-san, was that I would _let them come to the meeting as long as they were capable of it_. Seeing as Sensei has become... incapable, her claims are considered revoked. And because Isshiki-san serves to be her teammate, this also disqualifies her claim. Well, at least from our perspective."

"Hear, hear!" Haruno chimed in.

"Anyways, Yuigahama-san. Please do not concern yourself over such a thing. It is fine—"

"It totally isn't!"

"—and time moves forward; let us not waste it. Let us begin discussing the boundaries of our competition. Do I have the assurance that all of you are resolved with... your feelings for Hikigaya-kun?"

All present gave a nod—each had a noteworthy spark of determination in their eyes, and spirited aura surrounding them.

"Then let the meeting with regards to the..."

Yukino moved the what was covering the blackboard to the side, and began jotting down what would become the minutes to the meeting that would decide once and for all the ending to the all-out battle that had begun the previous year.

* * *

 **8Bowl: The Year-long Competition to Making the Hachiman Fall in Love (Or Capturing Him Without His Consent Whatsoever)**

 _Prizes:_

 _Boyfriend rights to Hikigaya Hachiman_

 _Bragging rights to all losing participants_

 _Hikigaya Hachiman's lips_

 _Hikigaya Hachiman's chastity (appended upon Haruno's suggestion)_

 _Hikigaya Hachiman's thighs (appended upon Shiromeguri's suggestion)_

 _Bento-cooking for Hikigaya Hachiman (debatable, as per Yui's talents within such an area)_

 _Right to call Hikigaya Hachiman with petnames_

 _Right to continue the Hikigaya bloodline_

 _Right to sleep in Hikigaya Hachiman's bed (appended upon Yukino's suggestion)_

 _Participants:_

 _Team Service Club – Yui and Yukino_

 _Team Onee-san – Haruno and Meguri_

 _Team Desperado – Sensei and Iroha_ _(disqualified as per Yukinoshita Yukino's discretion)_

 _Team Crackpair – Ebina and Miura_ _(disqualified as per Yukinoshita Yukino's discretion)_

* * *

"S-Sensei! Please wake up already!"

"H-Huh? Isshiki? Wha... Where is..."

"Senseeeeeei! The meeting's begun already! We'll be disqualified at this point if you keep sleeping, you know! Nevermind that, I think we've been kicked out of the competition already!"

And suddenly, Hiratsuka Shizuka's drowsiness was knocked out of the park. "Shit! ("Language please, Sensei!") Yukinoshita must've put something into that ramen... I still feel a little out of sorts. Dammit, Haruno's turned her little sister into a conniving little monster."

"You know, Sensei, I think they might've done this just to get our claim invalidated."

"Yeah, that's it." First a frown, then a devilish smile crept through Hiratsuka's face, and somehow Isshiki understood easily the reason for such a reaction. "Since we're not _officially competing_ by their rules now, we get to do this no holds barred, right? I mean, they've got no way to sanction us now, right?"

A similarly foxy expression found itself onto Isshiki's face.

"It's just as you say, Sensei."

" _Excellent._ A ten-year age gap and a bunch of little girls aren't getting in between us and our target husband. Isshiki, prepare the chloroform. I'm gonna go track his phone's GPS. We need to move fast."

"Aye aye, Sensei!"

Hiratsuka's face burned red, and a lascivious glint accompanied it from within her eyes.

"I can't wait to drink MAX Coffee _straight from his mouth._ "

* * *

"Hmm? Onii-chan, is something wrong? You look a little sick."

"... I just feel like something's about to go wrong with my last year in school. Definitely _wrong_. Like my life's in danger, little sister."

"... I don't understand?"

The chill running down Hikigaya Hachiman's spine was the prelude to his most horrifically wrong romantic comedy.

* * *

 **I wrote this while... I was drunk off of a headache. The idea came to me... while I was taking a dump. Don't ask how. Seriously. I don't really know how. Lol.**

 **Anyway, this was just a one-shot(?) to relieve more stress and convert negative energy into a more positive energy. _Schrodinger_ 's next chapter is nearly done. Just a few more tweaks I need to fix to set up the official start to Soubu.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did writing it.**

 **See ya.**


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